Remembering Chief Petty Officer Charles Findley
Chief Petty Officer Charles N. Findley
Brother, Son, Father, Husband, Uncle, Friend, Techie, and Motorhead
“Charlie didn’t try to make friends, he just had friends. People would flock to him because he was genuinely a good person”.
- Amy and John (sister and brother-in-law)
When you think of your brother what is something that makes you smile? His sister Amy and brother-in-law John with sadness laugh and say, “It is really hard to just pick one”. Amy then laughs as she remembers how her youngest son reminds her so much of Charlie. She recalls Charlie as being an introvert and quiet. When Charlie was in high school, he was the kid with the baggie pants and Vans shoes, but he would spend his weekends pulling all-nighters playing Magic The Gathering. It makes her smile because it was something he really enjoyed doing. After his passing Amy and John found his cards and knew he stayed in contact with his Magic friends. They even spoke at this funeral and talked about some of the moments they had with him. His family says it was something very special. Amy says it is just one of many things about her brother that makes her smile because you would have never known by looking at him.
A second story Amy recalls is the look on her brother’s face the day his first child was born. It was very important to him that she and John be in the delivery room. She says he was a nervous wreck. She remembers her brother crying and laughing at the same time and seeing absolute true happiness on his face when he was handed his baby girl. It is memories like this Amy and John hold on to so tightly. It meant a lot to Amy and John that their brother wanted them both in the room, it was something very special. John says he thinks it was Charlie’s single greatest day of his life, becoming a father. It is this memory of Charlie that also makes them smile.
There is an irreplaceable bond between siblings. Charlie’s siblings describe him as being reserved and on the serious side. He didn’t give his opinion very often unless he felt he really needed to and if he did you know he was serious. They refer to Charlie as evolving throughout the course of his life. Charlie was the youngest. The family was raised in a single parent home, one mom, two daughters, and one son, Charlie. Amy was the oldest by six years. Amy smiles as she says, “Charlie was their mother’s pride and joy and he got away with EVERYTHING”. Charlie was really close with his mom. Sadly, their mother passed young when Charlie was fourteen. Amy recalls it was a really hard time for the family, but it really destroyed Charlie. Amy and John remember how this was a very challenging time in Charlie’s life, and it was a very big part of his story to find himself. After the passing of their mother, Charlie came to live with Amy and John. Amy and John were very young and had their first child. The role of being siblings now transformed to that of parents to their grieving brother. Charlie kept things very close knit to himself, he never liked to share his emotions or his tragedy. It is during this time living with Amy and John they recall he bottled up but only for a little. He found his Magic friends in high school, and they played at a local card shop. Amy says they did the best they could with having a baby and a teenager in the home. It was through this time of grief, loss, and figuring out this new way of living the three became exceptionally close. Amy and John reflect they never had anticipated playing the parent role to a teenager so young, but they both say they would not have changed anything, and they all learned a lot from the experience and transition. During this time Charlie transitioned from techie to motorhead. John recalls Charlie getting his drivers license and driving a Camaro, blowing the engine on it and after that the love for cars, fixing cars, and motors clubs became a passion for him. Charlie self-taught himself how to fix cars. Amy laughs and remembers all the pictures she has of her brother reading technical manuals. If Charlie wanted to know how to do something he would do it. John became a father figure to Charlie. John describes their relationship as Charlie being his best friend and a son. They would work on cars together and do yard work together. John worked in construction and Charlie would go with him on the site and work. It was then when he developed his work ethic. Charlie came to John a lot for guidance, they had a close bond.
Charlie went to college and worked some jobs, but it just wasn’t for him. Charlie had called John and told him of his plans about joining the Navy and what they thought of it. His siblings at the time were not sure about this choice. John says, “still to this day even though Charlie isn’t here he knows it was a good choice for him”. Charlie was passionate about traveling and seeing the world. Joining the Navy gave him that opportunity. During Charlie’s time in the Navy, he traveled to many places to include Australia, Melbourne, Dubai, Singapore, and Korea. It really was a dream come true. Charlie was trained as an Electronics Technician in the Navy. He repaired and maintained naval electronics equipment to include navigation, radar, and communication equipment. Charlie was first assigned to USS Dwight D. Eisenhower from February 2009 to July 2013 where he qualified as Enlisted Surface Warfare Specialist. He later served at Naval Computer and Telecommunication Station Far East Detachment in Chinhea, South Korea for a year and Naval Computer and Telecommunication Station Far East Detachment Okinawa, Japan for two years. In November 2016 he received orders to the USS John S. McCain. While on board the USS John S. McCain Charlie was the CE Division Leading Petty Officer and was in charge of leading 16 Sailors in the maintenance and operations of all shipboard internal/external communications and radar/navigation equipment.
Charlie had two children, Lilly who is 13 and Connor who is 10. Everything Charlie did was so he could provide a better life for his family. It was hard for him to take overseas duties, but he did it, so he move up in the ranks. Charlie had the goal of making chief one day. Amy said her brother had dreams, he had plans, and was working as hard as he could to do it. Charlie talked to his kids everyday and would do so by video call. It was very important for him to be close with them. Face to face was very important and he didn’t want them to grow up not know be familiar with his face. He was a person that valued people that he was close to. Amy says even the friends he was close to he considered them family.
At 5:24 a.m. on 21 August 2017, USS John S. McCain was involved in a collision with the Liberian-flagged tanker Alnic MC off the coast of Singapore and Malaysia, east of the Strait of Malacca. This collision was highly televised and before the Navy could notify the next of kid what had happened it was already on the news. Amy explains the news had listed a phone number for family members seeking information which was scary. She called the number and at the time it was a little unorganized. She acknowledges that the Navy was likley getting hundreds of phone calls and trying to gain understanding of the situation and triple checking the missing. At that time, she was told they didn’t know and didn’t have final counts and didn’t know if Charles was missing. So as a family they had to wait.
It was after midnight in that first twenty-four hours they receive a phone call. The Navy had verified that Charlie was one of the missing. The next day Amy and John received a visit from the Casualty Assistance Calls Officer (CACO). They didn’t have confirmation that Charlie had died until the August 26, Amy’s birthday. Amy described that much of the information they learned they from the news. In the beginning it was hard to trust anything or the information due to the way the event happened. Amy describes it in three words. “It was hell.” The not know and then seeing reports on the television put all of them on an emotional rollercoaster. She gives an example of a report on the news where a body was found in the water, and it was unknown if it was one of the Sailors. It ended up not being a Sailor. She explains how your mind just goes and thinks of the most horrible things. They both describe throughout that period of waiting they continued to hold on to hope. They would think, well maybe there was an air pocket or maybe they miss counted. They thought he isn’t answering his phone or his text messages, but they had seen a report that all communications had been cut off from that ship so other Sailors weren’t messaging their families before notifications could be made. They thought maybe that was why Charlie wasn’t answering. Amy and John didn’t know how extensive the damage was from the pictures and none of the stories had really come out yet as the Navy was trying to maintain control of the situation for the families out of respect. During those five days they explained as a family they didn’t sleep, they couldn’t eat, they didn’t go to work, all they could do was sit and wait. During this time the Navy sent a representative to talk and provide updates even if they had nothing new to report. As stated earlier, “it was hell”.
Every family has their own CACO and after the funeral you are transitioned to a Gold Star coordinator. They deal with all Gold Star families in a region. Amy says they absolutely love their Gold Star coordinator (Julie) and consider her a part of the family. They highlight how amazing it is when being at Gold Star functions and gatherings because when Julie walks in the room she is everyone’s family. John says he doesn’t know of a harder job than being that person for a family that just lost someone that was their everything. She knows it hurts. They laugh as they share as story of when Julie would call, and Amy would be upset and mad. Amy says she wasn’t herself for a few years and she was just angry. Julie would say that’s okay I’m going to come see you and I’m going to keep talking to you. Julie provided that emotional support and counseling. Amy laughs as she said her Gold Star coordinator broke her. They acknowledge it takes a very special person to do that job. Amy says Julie was her angel during the aftermath of Charlies death. Amy says she was snippy with Julie when she would call. Amy describes she had no sense of time that first year. Everything dragged on forever. Amy says, “I would say things like ‘why the Navy doesn’t care and isn’t going to do anything’. I was just angry and no matter what Julie stuck with me because she knew what this felt like and what this was not her first time being present for a Gold Star Family”. John explains how Julie talked about the transitions, the pain they were going to feel, the things that were going to happen. He said, “you think you are prepared for what is going to happen but, you aren’t”. Amy explains when you think you are going crazy it was Julie there telling her, “No honey, this is normal” and made her feel like a human again.
Amy then explains being introduced to more people within the Gold Star community. She goes into great details about the Gold Star Mothers. She says, because I was Charlie’s sister, they still accepted her as a Gold Star Mother. She is a part of the Gold Star Mothers membership and these women just helped her so much. Amy says when you think you are going through something that is private and you don’t really want to talk about it these Gold Star Mothers start saying things first. For example, they would ask to have you felt this or have you done this. It helped her to open more and not feel like she was going through it all alone. It was one of the Gold Star Mothers that told Amy that year one is really year zero. It was a profound moment for her hearing that. Everything is different and everyone is different. She says she had just about every possible emotion and then she would blank out and forget things. Amy says she still forgets things from that year zero. She says that when her mom died, she thought that was the worst thing that would ever happen to them, and we could just move past this one thing. Then Charlie passed and that was THE WORST THING. She says she still can’t believe it.
Amy and John are so thankful and appreciative to the Gold Star Family and community. They explain it best that even if you haven’t met a person and then you find out that you both are Gold Star members you are instantly family. It is a bond that only being a member of the Gold Star Family can have because no one in the world could understand what you have gone through. Amy and John also brought up something that is very important. There are not many programs for siblings. They highlight if you are not on the Fallen’s insurance program there are no mental health resources at all. She explains how she reached out for some resources in her area, and they just didn’t have any experience with the loss of a loved one in the military. They didn’t live near a base. She found there was just nothing out there for siblings. This is something that needs to be changed. They both say the Gold Star community really helped fill that void.
Amy and John think about the man Charlie would have been today if he was still here. They say as a father he would approach things with tough love just from the life he had lived. Amy laughs as she interjects and say, “except for his daughter”. She says as an uncle he would and already was telling her to back off my son. Her youngest son reminders her so much of Charlie as he is the youngest as she and John have two daughters. It is the same dynamic. Her son is very much into computers as well. She remembers asking her brother “how do I get this kid off this computer”? Charlie would tell me to back off. I would ask him would you please talk to him. Charlie would say there is nothing wrong with him and you just need to back off. Amy and John say Charlie is and would be the cool uncle.
It is clear, anyone that had the opportunity to know Charles Finley was fortunate and likely instantaneously realized what an amazing person they met at the time. At the funeral droves of people came out to honor and celebrate Charlie. His family was shocked at the number of people that knew him and felt compelled to pay their respects. They remember the Charlie that sometimes didn’t have much to say. They remember even when he didn’t say anything he would get that mischievous smirk and then you just knew. It might even just have been a twitch of the eye or a movement of his mouth. Whether it was a serious situation or not with one look he could just make you laugh. He really was an amazing person.
The Gold Star Mission Run for the Fallen is one of many events that are solely focused on remembering our Nation’s fallen and honoring Gold Star Families like Charles Findley and his family. The various Gold Star Mission events held each year raise money for scholarships in the names of Fallen Military.
Please consider participating or volunteering with the Gold Star Mission Run for the Fallen (in person and virtual). The event consists of a half marathon, 5k, and 3k (youth only). Participants can run, ruck, walk, volunteer, or donate. We need to continue to honor our Gold Star Families and remember our Fallen Military.
If interested in signing up or volunteering for the Run for the Fallen visit: https://runsignup.com/Race/IL/Rockford/GoldStarMissionRunfortheFallen
Always Remember! Never Forget!
Interview with: Amy and John Winters. Gold Star Sister / Gold Star Brother
Story by: Candace N White
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